Friday, June 20, 2008

Kong Island

This 1968 Italian feature was originally entitled Eva, la Venere selvaggia, but somehow became Kong Island when dubbed into English.
A mad scientist... And why are they always mad? Why aren't they happy? Is the price of radium and human brains going through the roof? Is electricity getting too pricey? They've got a lot of energy-draining equipment -- it can't be cheap to run all that stuff. What about zoning issues? It must be tough to put a full-blown atomic lab in the basement, especially with all those NIMBY neighbours that keep showing up at the bylaw meetings! Hell, I guess I'd be mad too if I had to put with all that crap every time I tried to take over the world.
A really annoyed scientist is developing mind control implants to use on the politicians of the world, but for practice he's testing them on apes. Meanwhile a vacationing soldier of fortune with a grudge against the scientist discovers the legendary "white monkey," who is actually Eva, a woman raised by apes. Together they team up and wreck the scientist's plan.
With the worst guerrilla costumes I've ever seen and a terrible faux Ennio Morricone score, this is really hokey stuff. And I mean bad hokey. The poor girl who plays Eve has the charisma and acting ability of a two-by-four. Someone oughta check for pine beetles.
Not quite claw-my-eyes-out-with-a-rusty-garden-weasel type bad, but not far from.
And yes, you may have noticed that the title of the movie is misleading: Kong never appears, and the movie does not take place on an island.

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