Kayaking the Aleutians

Last year, Sarah Outen was rowing across the Pacific Ocean from Japan to British Columbia as part of her London2London human-powered global circumnavigation adventure. She had already kayaked from London across the English Channel, rode a bike across Europe and Russia, and had kayaked from Russia to Japan. Now, she was making her second attempt to row across the Pacific; her first attempt failed when her specially-designed row boat started leaking and she had to be rescued. Her second attempt was faring better, but the weather gods were not cooperating. After weeks on the water, she realized that the winds and currents were making eastward progress almost impossible. In fact, they were pushing her north towards Alaska. And that's when she improvised Plan B. Enlisting the aid of adventure kayaker and filmmaker Justine Curgenven, Sarah decided to put her rowboat ashore at the western tip of Alaska's Aleutian Islands, and kayak the length of the archipelago, up the Alaska panhandle to the nearest road so she could continue her human-powered adventure by bicycle. She and Justine spent 101 days kayaking 2500 kilometers in one of the most remote places on earth. Fortunately for the rest of us, Justine took along her cameras. Highlighted by the incredible and magnificent scenery of the Aleutian Island chain, Justine's new DVD, Kayaking the Aleutians, simply proves again what the kayaking community already knows: she is a marvelous filmmaker. Not only does she deftly capture the astounding natural environment such as the wild storms, the bear encounters, and the sea lions encroaching on their camp, she is equally adept and bringing out the human side of the story: her friendship with Sarah, the charming encounters with the locals, the joy at the end of a day of successful paddling, and the anxiety when the paddling day is on the brink of going seriously sideways. There were many such days, as Justine and Sarah had to deal with uncooperative currents, raging winds, and equipment failures, but, buoyed along by Sarah's seemingly unfailing optimism, the two friends completed a journey that the rest of us can only dream about. The DVD also contains four short bonus films; a windy paddle in Wales, kayaking in the Bay of Fundy with whales, and two films about kayaking in the waves at Tofino with The Hurricane Riders. Don't hesitate to check it out if you have a chance.

Blackfish

It's difficult to watch Blackfish, the recent film concerning the continued captvity of orcas, and of one orca in particular, Tilikum, whose life in captivity, and the tragedies that have occured since, began here in Victoria. As noted in my review of the book Death at SeaWorld, Tilikum was involved in the first death of an orca trainer, which occured at the local Sealand of the Pacific attraction in 1991. When Sealand closed the next year, Tilikum and the other orcas were sold to SeaWorld. In 1999, a dead man was found sprawled across Tilikum's back -- apparently the man snuck into SeaWorld after hours and climbed into Tilikum's pool -- and in 2010 Tilikum dragged a trainer into water and killed her. Using interviews with former SeaWorld trainers, orca experts and others, as well as footage of SeaWorld performances -- some that went well, others not -- the film traces the history of capturing orcas for display and performance with particular attention to Tilikum, and explores whether it is even possible to safely keep orcas in captivity and whether we should even try. Blackfish is a sad and mesmerizing film with no easy answers, but is well worth your time and attention.

Sea Kayak With Gordon Brown Volume 3

Film-maker and podcaster Simon Willis and kayaking coach Gordon Brown round out their trilogy of kayaking coaching films with their latest offering, Sea Kayak with Gordon Brown Volume 3. This third chapter differs from the previous two which consisted of an expedition film intertwined with coaching segments. This third volume does away with the expedition segment, and instead presents three films and and a rolling coaching segment. The first film is on Emergency Situations, and presents two scenarios where emergency personnel have to be called to perform a rescue. Much of this film is presented from the point of view of rescue personnel and I've never seen anything quite like this in a kayaking video. This is a terrific segment, with lots of important tips and information presented. This segment alone is worth the price of admission. For those of us who have been lucky enough to not have needed rescue, it was certainly eye-opening to hear the thoughts of rescue personnel, many of them also kayakers, of what kayakers can do to assist rescuers in emergency situations. Equally informative was a short scene near the end when the rescue personnel displayed their own emergency kayaking kits. A shorter but related film has a member of the Wilderness Emergency Medical Services Institute display the first aid gear he carries, as well as a couple of demonstrations of first aid situations. Some of the gear displayed is intended only for trained personnel, and a DVD is not going to replace actual first aid certification, but it is interesting to see what gear other people carry and the techniques they use. I'm certainly going to add some electrical tape to our first aid kit after watching this. In the third film Gordon is joined by Franco Ferrero for a segment on navigation. A DVD is not going to replace a proper sea kayak navigation course, but the information regarding navigation concepts and tides are well-presented here. Finally, the rolling segment is structured very differently. After a few exercises and roll demonstrations, the premise behind this segment is that the viewer will practice rolling with a spotter, as well as someone with a video-camera who will record the practice session. The viewer will then compare his own videos to the videos on the the DVD, using the troubleshooting section to identify mistakes, and then try to incorporate the fixes suggested. For instance, your roll might be failing, but why? Comparing your video to the common mistakes illustrated on the DVD, you may discover that your paddle is not at the correct angle and is diving down into the water instead of the staying at the service. You move to the fixes section and some tips are provided for you to try on keeping your paddle at surface level. At the risk of repeating myself, no DVD will ever replace having a certified instructor coaching you live and in the flesh, but the approach taken here is unique. Is it effective? We have yet to try it as designed by filming ourselves, but it seems like it should be a benefit to troubleshooting your roll (or lack of it). This is another winning DVD from Gordon and Simon and, taken as a set, the three Sea Kayak with Gordon Brown DVDs are as comprehensive a set of kayaking video tutorials as you are ever likely to find.

Sea Kayak with Gordon Brown - Volume 2

The second volume of Sea Kayak with Gordon Brown recently arrived in the mailbox, and has been taken for a spin on the DVD player. Like the first volume, the DVD is really two films in one -- one features Gordon taking a group of kayakers around the Scottish Islands of St. Lida, the second features Gordon demonstrating rescue and towing techniques. You can also watch the expedition and the lesson section separately as independent features, or as one long film. The expedition portion takes us to the islands of St. Kilda, a small group of islands forty miles of the coast of northern Scotland. Here, Gordon and his group tour an amazing group of islands and stunning stacks, caves and channels. It’s a stunningly beautiful area, and clearly made to be explored by kayaks. The lesson portion demonstrates rescue techniques, both solo and assisted, as well as towing techniques and even a few balance exercises, demonstrated in both calm and rough waters. These lessons are excellently presented and easy to follow (although it must be said that Brown’s brogue occasionally left some in our viewing group asking the others “what did he say?” I didn’t have that issue. Your mileage may vary.) The towing lessons were full of ideas that we’re eager to try next time we have a practice session, and the importance of practicing is brought home by a couple of unplanned tip-overs and tows that occured during filming sessions which necessitated some real assisted rescues and tows. If you enjoyed Volume 1, you’ll love this. It’s a terrific display of safety measures that ought to be seen by kayakers of all abilities.

This is The Sea 5

At the risk of repeating myself and others, there's no one making better kayaking films than Justine Curgenven. And certainly there can't be many kayakers who travel to so many varied places, or have as much fun while doing it. Perhaps that's her secret as a film-maker; she's so effective at showing the joys of her kayaking adventures in her films, but also doesn't shy away from the emotional toll when things go wrong either. Her latest collection, This is The Sea 5, has just been released and should be on every paddler's "must see" list. The eight films are divided evenly between shorter kayaker profiles, and longer expedition pieces. Of the shorter pieces, I really enjoyed the feature on Harry Whelan surfing ferry wakes along the Thames -- what a cool idea! But for me, the highlight is always the expedition films, and there are some great ones featured here, from the beginning legs of Sarah Outen's attempt to circle the world on human power, to Justine and Barry Shaw circumnavigating Sardinia. The highlights are Justine's and Barry's attempt to paddle around the remote island of Tierra del Fuego, a wonderfully told story that is at times as disheartening as it is triumphant. But perhaps the gem of the DVD is a kayaking tour around some volcanic islands in Sicily which is one of the best touring films I've seen in awhile, a great blend of kayaking and sight-seeing, with an ample helping of Sicilian culture. Run, don't walk, to the website and order this dvd. Watch it, and rediscover why you fell in love with kayaking in the first place.

North Sea Crossing & Yarns From the Cockpit

The latest DVD from the University of Sea Kayaking is a 2-disc set with the unwieldy title of North Sea Crossing & Yarns From The Cockpit. It features Derek Hutchinson, Godfather of modern sea kayaking and born raconteur, describing in humorous detail his attempts to be the first person to kayak across the North Sea. Clearly it’s his go-to party piece as the version presented on the DVD is almost word-for-word the version he presented here in town at a recent SISKA meeting, but he presents his occasionally harrowing tale with amusing and charming style. The remainder of the first disc contains an interview with Derek explaining some of the finer technical points of his North Sea journeys. The second disc contains an assortment of more interviews with Derek, and more of his tall tales of kayak expeditions. (There’s even a few humorous outtakes from a previous DVD.) If you want to see a terrific kayaking storyteller at his finest, check it out.

Sea Kayak With Gordon Brown

Lost in the holiday chaos of late December was the arrival of my copy of Sea Kayak with Gordon Brown. We invited some kayaking friends over just before Christmas for a viewing.
The film is really two films in one; Gordon taking a small expedtion around some Scottish Islands is interspersed with Gordon giving some paddling lessons and explaining some of his technique. You can also watch the expedition and the lesson section separately as independent features.
Overall we enjoyed the film, particularly the travelogue portion. We found the lesson portion to be quite informative as well, perhaps a bit advanced for an absolute beginner but all paddlers should get something from the very cleanly filmed lesson segments. If there's any fault to be had it's that by splitting the focus of the film in two halves (the expedition and the lessons), neither half really seems to get the length and detail it deserves. We wanted more of each portion, and perhaps this could have been accomplished by intergrating some of the technique was learned into the group paddle. On the other hand, if the audience is indeed wanting more, then it's a sure sign that the filmmakers have created a DVD that's worth revisiting again and again.
Besides, it does say Volume One on the cover...so perhaps a Volume Two at some point....?

This is The Sea

What a treat it was to re-acquaint myself with this DVD, the first in Justine Curgenven’s This is the Sea series. After a slightly cheeky introduction, she introduces us to a championship paddler from Greenland, and that’s quickly followed by profiles of well-known paddlers such as Nigel Foster, Chris Duff, Shawna Franklin and Leon Sommé, and Greg Stamer.
Then we travel the world for brief tours of exciting paddling locations from the craggy caves and arches off Sonoma, California, to paddling with manatees with Florida, and to Greenland and paddling with icebergs. Also included are stops in at the San Juan islands and Deception Pass in Washington state, and some crazy playtime at Penryn Mawr tidal race in Wales.
Some of the segments are very brief, but the highlight is a longer segment detailing a kayaking expedition by Justine and a friend in Kamchatka, Russia. They must bring a Russian guide with them into what is formidable paddling country, but the problem is that their guide has never kayaked before. Hilarity ensues, especially when the Russian Army gets involved. I've always enjoyed the longer expedition segments of the This is the Sea series the most and this segment is no exception. Alternating between breathtaking scenery and crazy surf launches and landings, you really get the sense that you were part of the expedition. If I hadn’t been warm, dry and eating popcorn in a big comfy chair, I’d swear I was right there with them.
If you’ve never checked out this great series of DVDs, you should. And this first one is great place to start.

This is the Sea Two

The second of Justine's Curgenven's series of kayaking DVD series, This is the Sea Two, cements this series's reputation as some of the best sea kayaking films you'll ever see. This volume opens up with Bryan Smith running the tidal race at Skookumchuck,quickly followed by segments featuring Doug van Doren on Greenland sticks, a circumnavigation of Japan, and a profile of Sean Morely. There are some exciting footage of expert sea kayakers playing in the crazy tidal races at Penrhyn Mawr and "The Bitches" in Wales, followed by a relaxing paddle on the sandy shores of Lake Michigan, which looks like a beautiful place to paddle -- maybe one day... Justine also visits Newfoundland, as well as the Lofoten Islands in Norway.
As always, the highlights are the expeditions films, in this case it's a feature segment on Justine and two other paddlers kayaking around Tasmania. It's a wonderfully shot adventure, with gorgeous scenery.
It's a must-see for kayaking fans.

This Is the Sea 3

The third in Justine Curgenven's series of sea kayaking DVDs, the aptly named This is the Sea 3, continues the fine tradition of excellence of the previous volumes, and features segments ranging from some short light-hearted segments of kayaking in crazy surf, to longer segments exploring expedition paddling. In between, Justine offers up profiles of well-known kayakers, and in an interesting coincidence, not only does this DVD feature a profile of Paul Caffyn, the first person to kayak around Australia, it has a segment on Freya Hoffmeister who would later become the second person to kayak around Australia, and another segment features Stuart Trueman who is currently vying to be the third person to kayak around the same continent. But I digress.
Although the shorter segments are worthy of your attention, I'm always drawn to the longer expedition films, and this DVD is no exception. In one, Justine and her partner make a crossing in the Shetland Islands during a thunderstorm, while another is a lovely travelogue through the Faroe Islands. The jewel of the DVD is a 40-minute film following Trueman, Laurie Geoghegan and Andrew McAuley on an extensive kayaking expedition to Antarctica. It's occasionally difficult to watch knowing the fate that would befall McAuley only a year after this expedition, but clearly the three paddlers were enjoying their thrilling (and chilling) trip where few have ever been...well, maybe Laurie not so much when he get ill. Their love of life and adventure shines through.

Titanic (1943)

Titanic! The story of a ship and an iceberg and the ruinous gluttony of the British Empire!
Titanic! The story of the heroic German first officer who saved the day!
Titanic! The story of the obviously Jewish ship owner, who bet his fortune on the speed of his ship and almost paid with his life!
Titanic! In the original German with subtitles!
No, this isn’t James Cameron’s epic 1996 Titanic, it’s a 1943 German propaganda film of the same name.
Unlike Cameron’s film which puts fictional characters into the story while remaining true to historical facts, this version uses the basic story of iceberg meets ship to hang a propaganda-filled, greed-driven plot on.
Bruce Ismay and the other owners of Titanic and the White Star Line have hatched a plot where they will buy millions of shares of White Star stock before and during the voyage. Ismay will force Captain Smith to speed up and make the crossing in record time, and they’ll make a killing when the stock value goes up. An interesting idea to be sure, but it’s not the least bit factual. (And it doesn’t help that Ismay is portrayed as Jewish when he wasn’t.)
Newly arrived on Titanic is First Officer Peterson, newly transferred from Germany, and lucky for the passengers he did, because he seems to be the only competent officer on the ship. The heroic Peterson manages to dress down the Captain, reconcile with an old flame, launch lifeboats single-handedly, survive the sinking, rescue a child from the water and denounce the British Empire at a Parliamentary inquiry into the sinking. Not bad for an 85 minute film. At least he isn’t blonde.
Despite the questionable taste of the propaganda aspects of the film and its wild historical inaccuracies, Titanic does manage to hold its own as a film. Its lavish sets and costumes (many inaccurate, but nonetheless spectacular) can only make one wonder how a country paying for a war against the rest of the world could afford a production like this.
The sinking sequences are well done and exciting, and the special effects are fine for its time. (In fact some shots were nicked and used in 1959’s A Night To Remember.)
An interesting oddity, the 1943 version of Titanic is worth a look. And Titanic buffs should note the DVD contains an excellent collection of actual 1912 Titanic newsreel coverage.

Titanic (1996)

Believe it or not, boys and girls, but there was a time when James Cameron’s film Titanic looked to be a disaster in the making. Horribly over budget at north of $200,000,000, and its release delayed six months, Titanic was looking to be a celluloid disaster destined to sink on its maiden weekend.
But the film opened to four-star reviews and boffo box office. Then something amazing happened.
All major films’ box office drops off the second weekend. But Titanic was different. Its second weekend was bigger than its first.
That never happens.
And its third and fourth weekend grosses were still larger than the first. Titanic was on its way to being the highest grossing film of all time with a total worldwide gross of over $1.8 billion dollars. No other film even comes close. (Second place is The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King at $1.1 billion, the only other films in the billion dollar club, although the first Harry Potter film is just a few million short of joining the club. But I digress.) It received a record 14 Oscar nominations and won a record 11.
I saw it opening night. And I was in the front row bawling like everyone else.
Titanic is the work of a master film-maker at the top of his game.
The new special edition DVD contains a gorgeous new transfer spread over two discs, plus three commentaries: one from Cameron, one from various cast and crew, and one from a pair of Titanic historians. All three are worth your attention and are informative. In addition, there are 50 or so mini-docs on the two discs available by either a seamless branching option while watching the movie, or by a "play-all" feature. There’s also the original ending (available with a Cameron commentary) that, although fine by itself, is clearly inferior to the ending as it was finally cut. A third disc contains nearly an hour of deleted and extended scenes, all with optional Cameron commentary. There are other featurettes on this disc, including a gag reel of sorts, a look at Cameron’s real dive on Titanic, and a time-lapse feature on building the set. In all, this is a treasure trove of material, which almost makes up for the lack of a definitive "making-of" documentary as was promised when the set was originally announced a s a four-disc set.
Why does the the ill-fated story of Titanic still touch us? At its heart, it is the story of human frailty and hubris. The lessons learned from Titanic were lost by the time of Challenger, and those lessons learned were forgotten again with Columbia. It is a story of class rule by human ego and unquestioned ideology and assumptions, as if even daring to question these assumptions is evil and unpatriotic.
And clearly, these are lessons that need to be learned again.

Alien Zone

This is an odd 1978 film. It's an anthology film: four short films, and a framing story.
The framing sequence involves a man visiting a town for a convention (and to cheat on his wife). He gets lost in a storm as he tries to make his way back to his hotel and ends up being taken in by the town mortician (played by the late Canadian actor Ivor Francis). The mortician shows the man some of the bodies lying in state in his establishment and tells the story of how each of them died.
He tells four stories. The first is about a teacher who hates children who goes home and is killed by -- gasp! -- children. The second story, the worst of the lot, is about a man who lures women to their deaths in his apartment. There seems to be little point to this story, unless they were trying to be funny and failed utterly. The third story concerns an American and a British police detective trying to outdo the other with the powers of there deductive reasoning. This sequence stars veteran actors Charles Aidman and Bernard Fox and is actually entertaining. There's some genuine wit in the script and Aidman and Fox are having a great time chewing the scenery. The fourth story concerns a man who has no time for the less fortunate people of the world, until he ends up being one himself.
Finally, our cheating convention goer has had enough and heads back out into the storm, only to be confronted by the husband of the woman he was cheating with. Looks like the mortician has another customer.
I can only imagine that the title, Alien Zone, is some sort of homage to Rod Serling, because there ain't no aliens in this movie. Clearly, this is in the flavour of a Twilight Zone, or Night Gallery, and as a basic idea, it doesn't work too bad. The mortician has an endless supply of corpses to tell stories about, each one is a little mortality play with a twist ending, and then there's the final twist in the framing story. However in execution, this movie doesn't cut it. The script is mostly awful (save for the two detectives' story), the acting worse (again, save for the detectives), the direction just as bad, and the film looks like it was made for about $14.95.
If you do watch it, turn it off after Aidman and Fox have done their bit. That's the only part worth watching.

Good Against Evil

This is a 1977 tv-pilot about a writer (played by Dack Rambo) who teams up with a priest (played by Dan O'Herlihy) to battle a devil worshiper (Richard Lynch) and his merry band of cronies.
Rambo's character meets and falls in love with a woman that unfortunately for him has been chosen by Lynch and his group to give birth to the Anti-Christ. It's all very 1970s, and clearly designed to cash in on the success of the movie The Exorcist; the climactic scene is in fact the exorcism of a young girl just as in the more popular (and better) film.
The only other notable feature of the film is that it's the first television appearance of Courtenay, BC's own Kim Catrall, now famous for playing Samantha Jones on Sex and the City.
And then there's the DVD cover which has nothing at all to do with the movie. Does that look like 1977 American tv to you?

Idaho Transfer

Scientists are working on a matter tranference system, but they discover that their system can be used not only to send people from place to place, but to the future. They discover that 56 years in the future, something calamity has destroyed mankind. So the project scientists have been sending research teams to the future to determine what happened, but also to make preparations for permanent habitation. Only young 20-somethings can make the trip; older adults die if they attempt to make the journey.
Karen (played by Kelley Bonahan) joins her sister Isa at the facility, which is run by their father. Karen is a troubled teen but joins Isa for a transfer to the future. Isa injures herself, and Karen, trying to save her sister, performs the transfer back incorrectly and Isa dies.
Karen is not dealing with her guilt very well, but she joins the expedtion to the future.
Something happens in the past, and the transfer system no longer work. The group decides to head out to Portland where other groups are planning to meet up, but Karen discovers something and disillusioned, she heads back to the transfer station. There, Karen is attacked by one of the group who has gone mad and also returned. Karen discovers that the transfer machine is working again and transfers herself to....well, that would be telling.
This is an intriguing little film directed by none other than Peter Fonda. Fonda's directing career lasted only three films; it probably didn't help his career that the distributor of this film went bankrupt just as the film was released. Shot against beautiful Idaho scenary, it must have looked great during the short time it played on a big screen. It's a slow and haunting movie that is aiming higher than it can reach, but it is worth a look.
The cast is mostly unknowns, but they do a good job. The only star of note is Keith Carradine, two years before he would star in and win an Oscar for best song in Nashville.

Shadow of Chinatown

This 1936 film is feasture-length version of a 15-part serial. It stars Bela Lugosi five years after his success in Dracula, and many years before he fell in with Ed Wood's gang.
A beautiful Eurasian girl and a mad scientist (that would be Lugosi) have been hired by a European import firm to destroy a group of Chinese merchants so they can take over their business. A scrappy newspaper reporter and her hunk boyfriend decide to investigate.
It's a bit of a light-hearted lark, and horribily over-acted in parts, but some of the action scenes are ingenious and well-done. Bela barely appears in the movie at all, probably a smart move.

Eternal Evil

Paul Sharpe, a tv commercial director, has been studying astral projection under the tutelage of a mysterious woman named Janus. At first, projecting his spirit out of his body brings him a sense peace and contentment. Unfortunately, while he sleeps his spirit has been taking unauthorized trips and killing people in a muderous rage, including his own family.
This is a 1985 Canadian film, also known as The Blue Man. Why, I don't know. It stars Winston Rekert as Sharpe, a familiar face on Canadian tv probably best known as the star of Neon Rider,and Karen Black as Janus. Eagle-eyed viewers should also be able to spot Lois Maxwell, the orignal Moneypenny from the Connery/Moore James Bond films.
The film plods along at its own pace and manages to overcome its inexpensive look and feel to deliver a couple of good scares.

Evil Brain From Outer Space

Let's get this out on the open right from the start: Evil Brain from Outer Space may just be the best movie title ever!
This 1964 film is edited together from three Japanese Starman short movies. The three original movies totalled 159 minutes in runtime, while this edited version clocks in at a quick 79 minutes. As so much is cut from each movie, the film veers wildly from underdeveloped plot point to underdeveloped plot point, from action scene to scene with lightning speed, in a rush of quick and cheesy action-packed Grade-Z mindless silly fun.
The brain of Balazar, an evil scientist from the planet Zemar, has been assassinated. Somehow his brain has been preserved and ends up in a suitcase on earth. His followers have followed the brain to earth. (They're followers. That's what they do, alright? They follow!) Only Starman, an alien superhero sent to earth to fight atomic evils in his disturbingly tight leotards, can save us!
Along the way to defeating the brain, Starman must defeat a monster who is also attacking earth (who also wears disturbingly tight leotards), and assorted groups of Balazar's followers (again with the leotatds).
This is all pretty corny and silly, but it is presented with enthusiasm. And the action scenes, as cheap as any you'll ever see, use imaginative camera tricks and angles to good effect.
Fire up the corn-popper and enjoy!

Death Warmed Up

This 1986 New Zealand thriller is a hokey horror-revenge movie. I've had two tries at watching this movie before I could watch the whole thing. That's dedication, let me tell you. A teen is hypnotized and ordered to kill his parents. After blowing them away with a shotgun (and taking out a lamp as well, just to be safe), he's locked in the looney bin with no memory of having done the awful deed.
He's released seven years later, and decides to take his revenge on the man who hypnotized him, but the man is now the head of a large pyschiatric institute and he seems to be creating his own army of mutant zombies. I guess. I don't know, it's hard to follow.
There's a car chase that looks straight out of The Road Warrior. There's lots of blood and heads blowing up. If you like that sort of thing, this is the sort of thing you'll like.

Doomsday Machine

Our film opens with an American spy breaking into the Chinese Embassy. With the help of another agent on the inside, she discovers that the Chinese have built a doomsday bomb. She reports to her superiors that the bomb will go off in just over two days.
We jump to the seven-man crew of the first US Venus probe preparing to launch for it's two year trip. For some reason, the launch has to be hurried, and three of the men are ordered to be replaced by three female officers.
Then comes the launch. The crew are strapped in into La-Z-Boy recliners wearing motorcycle helmets. No, really. Recliners and motorcycle helmets. Someone sacrificed their living room furniture for this movie. They use stock footage of an Apollo take-off, but the rocket in the movie is more along the lines of a classic Destination: Moon big-finned space-ship. Then suddenly it looks like a round space station. Then it becomes a different round space station. Then it's a different finned rocket!
Anyway, it turns out that the Pentagon decided to put the women on board to preserve the American species just in case the Chinese ending up destroying the world. And before you can say, "Whoops, apocalypse!" the earth is laid waste in a montage of clips from Japanese monster movies.
The astronauts realize that the future of the human race now depends on them, so naturally they pair off and start,er, arguing. They have to dodge meteors from the remains of the Earth. Interestingly, the meteors made from the bits of earth come from in front the ship, not behind it where the Earth actually is.
It turns out that they need to drop a bunch of weight from the ship in order for it to land on Venus safely. Some people will have to sacrificed. In a remarkable coincidence, the bitch female astronaut and the bastard male astronaut luckily get sucked out of an airlock.
As they come in to land, two of the astronauts go outside to repair the ship and are believed lost. But they find an old Soviet Venus probe and manage to make their way to it.
Now things get strange, because the ending of the film was never shot in 1967, and when filming resumed in 1972, none of the actors were available. Probably they didn't want to available. Anyway, the last scene of the movie is the two astronauts who board the derelict Soviet craft. They are filmed in spacesuits with opaque visors so that you can't see that they aren't the original actors, and their dubbed voices really don't resemble the original actors' either.
Anyway, they board the Soviet ship and are trying to get it going. They spend an inordinate amount of time bumbling around silently in the dark until a disembodied voice announces to them that the American ship has been destroyed. It turns that Venus is home a race of super-powerful intergalactic busybodies who speak in stilted English: "Last of Man, listen. Of this, we will tell you." They decide that instead of allowing the last two humans alive to land, they will propel the spacecraft on a journey beyond the rim of the universe. Whatever the hell that means.
This film originally began life when filming began in 1967 as Armageddon: 1975. For reasons lost to obscurity, the film was never finished and it was shelved. In 1972, someone got hold of the film and added additional scenes, namely the teaser scene at the beginning with the secret agent, and the ridiculous ending.
Look for Casey Kasam (America's Top Ten and the voice of Shaggy from Scooby-Doo) as a Mission Control Officer, and Mike Farrell (B.J. from tv's M*A*S*H) with one line of dialogue as a reporter.