Saturday, August 09, 2008

Warriors of the Wasteland

The year is 1982. You can tell by the hideous faux disco opening theme music. Someone just got their first drum machine for Christmas.
Oh no, wait. The opening crawl says "2019 A.D. The nuclear holocaust is over." Well, thank goodness for that. I was starting to get worried. At least new wave synth-pop survived.
As a result of the war, humanity is reduced to small, starving groups. One is a gang called The Templars, who kill any settlers they come across in an attempt to purge the Earth. A former Templar, Scorpion, battles his former comrades. (Scorpion drives a 1968 Camero that has had its roof replaced with a bubble top. The production designer is going straight to hell.)
It's a strange sort of Mad Max/Death Race 2000 crossover. The Templars act like the bad guys from The Road Warrior, riding motorcycles and tricked-out dune buggies running over the good guys with glee, but they dress like they're from George Clooney's Batman movie by way of Star Trek: The Motion Pictures's white security uniforms but with huge shoulder pads. At least they have funky new-wave haircuts.
Fred Wiliamson, the only actor of note in this, plays a mysterious stranger who aids Scorpion.
Filmed in Italian as I Nuovi Barbari, it's also known as 2019 i nuovi barbari, Metropolis 2000, The New Barbarians, and Warriors of the Wasteland. It is hopelessly dumb and derivative, with cheap effects, and horrible acting (and dubbing). Occasionally the action gets interesting, but life is too short. Unless you're looking to show this at your own private cheese festival, you should avoid this no matter what it's called.

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